I finally took some time to get away to the ocean this weekend. It was very revealing for me. I was able to take in the ocean smell, the mist, and the power it had over me. I stood on the beach for the longest time and just closed my eyes. Then I sat down and thought about what is the one thing I was thinking the most. I am getting older and I am tired. So very tired.
It really was the theme I had in my head. I have complained about work and I have complained about the stress. Those are true, but the root of all of this, is I am not the young 20 year old and more. Age is knocking on the door and gave me the gift of the following;
- aches and pains in the back and knees
- short term memory loss
- hearing is starting to go
- I am just not as tolerant of things not in my control anymore
- I just want to be left alone many times
- Finally, I am starting to see the age really in my eyes. Empty and tired.
It is not as depressing as it sounds. It is more about reality. I am getting older and I have to adjust for this. Not accepting it in anyway. Just need to be smarter. One of the things I really thing is helping already is the fact that we as a family are having family dinner’s nightly. I feel bad that I am not able to get home in time to help cook, but that should change after my next two weeks.
Having the family dinner seems to make it something to look forward to. Even though the boys are teenagers and can’t stand their Dad lately, I do think they secretly enjoy it too. This has helped me with not eating excessively. I eat dinner and I feel good after and I am not snacking like crazy. Typically we all fend for ourselves at night. Not the right way to do it. So I am thankful for this and I think it is the best thing we are doing right now.
Me, I have to also start taking care of my body. I am a mess. I am not going to start any diets or anything. I simply need to mend myself. I have so many issues going on, that I have learned to ignore it. Well, somethings in my life have just been giving me time to think about this and it is really scaring me how it has effected the way I live. I won’t go into details, let’s just say, I have to do the little things to help myself and I am beginning to realize, it is not how you do it, it is just getting it done. Not all are the same and no solution is perfect. Just move in the right direction.
Anyway… The Ocean once again really helped me out this weekend. I did not go into details on what happened there. Better to leave it with me. The important thing is, closing my eyes and smiling, thinking about how beautiful the moment was…. It was worth it to wait nearly a year since the last visit like this. I should post about that story too.
