I was driving to work this morning and was feeling sentimental. I was also in a mood for some 80′s Alternative. I put on Tears for Fears and I heard “Famous Last Words”. This song always chokes me up. I love it. I have a music video in my head with me in it when I listen to this song.
It reminds me of when I was in the military and I am at a Military Ball. Not sure how it all goes, but it just feels emotionally powerful in my opinion. Check it out.
I was up late the other night and I saw this video on Youtube from a band called “Atomic Tom” I was intrigued because they apparently had their instruments stolen in NYC, but they apparently had a way around this…. So I investigated their music and I really was impressed. Check out this cool “subway concert”.
As I start to prepare myself for this year’s festivities, I can’t help to think how much of a disaster it could become. I am nervous that as a band, we have not had enough practice. I am also so scared to sing and play guitar. I am so out of practice and I have not had the opportunity to get that swagger back I had as a teen. I thought I was good back in the day and it gave me that confidence. Also, it helps that when you are single and have a guitar in your hand, you can be the hottest Rock Star no matter what you sound like.. LOL.
As much as I am scared, I also know that if I just go and have a good time, no one will care. It is a Free show in my backyard. Not the Wachovia center or the Linc with U2 opening for me. HA! As if!
So I will practice my ass off and I hope it will come together and make everyone proud. Hell, Any props from the boy genius would make my night.
And so the practicing begins…. Aug 20th is not so far away now!
Finally, I got the first song done. Thanks to my son Connor, who had to endure many takes. He played drums and Bass (backwards) and then he did the producing of the song also.
Check out here
Rep. Weiner, stand rigid and stop flip flopping on the controversy. You have an opportunity to remain hard on the facts. Now, I don’t have a bone to pick with you, but I can tell you, you can finish this with one shot. Tell the Truth. Don’t stretch it. Don’t stroke it until it comes out looking completely different than it really was. I ask you… Are you steadfast in your manhood, to own up to your mistakes and take one for the team? I believe in order to help the media help you, you should give them some back and forth and reach out to your two parties and provide the truthful content in which America is looking for.
Thank you, Thank you, I am here every Thursday night……
Simple Summary.
Clean mess, Let Dog out, Deal with attitudes, and guilty feelings like I am the worst Father in the world, Go to sleep.
Next!
ugh. Journal time.
I was on Facebook this morning and saw a picture of my last band I was in before I went in the service. I was not in the picture because I quit the band. It made me think about how I really wish I could go back in time and change things. So I am waiting to board the plane and I figured I could type up a quick list of regrets in my life.
Quitting “Cowman”
I remember that my father told me that I had 3 years to enjoy my life after High School, and then I would have to find a career and a place to live. So I was in this cool band “Cowman”. It was one of those times where I had the perfect rig, my own style and identity as a musician. I was known as “Rage” and I had a good rep for being unique and very good with recording. Unfortunately, things just didn’t work out. I had asked the band if we could move to Philly and find jobs to support ourselves as a band. No one seemed interested and I had to quit. Within six months, I was signed up for the Air Force, and I was engaged with my first serious girlfriend, Amy. It was a sad time for me in a way. My music career was over the day I went in the service, May 22, 1992. I think about it often and truly think I could have been a serious musician with a successful career. I had that mojo. I have recorded music and played for the last 20 years, but I have never regained that Mojo I had when I was in Cowman. It just clicked. I did not have to work for it. It just came out of me.
Proposing to Amy
I was a young immature 20 year old guy. I just got back with my first love Amy. I was so in love with her. The first day she came back over my house for lunch. I will never forget it. We had lunch at my house and talked. Four years of being apart, disappeared. We kissed when she left. (My Mom was coming home for lunch and I did not want to get in trouble having her over….. Yes, I was a Momma’s boy.) Within six months, I was ready to get engaged to her because I knew I was leaving for the service for a long time and I felt I wanted to live the rest of my life with Amy.
I don’t remember all the details, but I remember going to the jewelry store with her and we got the ring she wanted. We got in her or my car, I don’t remember which and I proposed to her in the car and I said it like a little fucking moron. I asked her to marry me and she said yes, but it was so not romantic. To this day, I can’t talk about it much and when I see movie’s with the romantic proposal, I want to crawl up and die. I was so young and so not ready for being an adult. I wish now I could take it back and do it right. It has been nearly 19 years since we got married and we are still together. I hope to make it up to her one day for that stupid moment in time.
Being a Workaholic
I am happy that we have the comfort we have now in our lives and don’t live paycheck to paycheck as much as we used to. The tough economy has been so scary. For the last 11 years, since I got out of the service I have been working so much. I have been at most of all my sons events in school and I have been close to them as children, but as they got older, i was so busy with work, that I feel I have lost some of the bond I had with them. I have also been so emotionally driven to succeed, I sacrificed the time I could have with my family for work. I regret that deeply. Sometimes good intentions have the wrong consequences.
Not Joining Secret Service As A K-9 Handler
As much as I love what I do today, I really felt he government was the right place for me. I like black and white. I thrived on policy and direction. Unfortunately, it was a tough time when i got out of the military. I was always traveling and my wife was done with it. She wanted me to be a father that was home for her sons. So I did not pursue the Secret Service Uniformed division. I regret it only because I know I was very good at what I did and I know I would have been able to retire with a great pension when I had my 20 years. Now I am doing very well, but I have no retirement investment and can be one major medical issue away from the streets. Not a good feeling. I should have joined the service and I would be close to retirement now with a secured pension.
Having a Real Relationship with my Father
My Father and I have never been very close. I wish I could change that. I love him dearly, but I feel we are not always close. Lots of history and differences of opinion. The struggle is, I have never felt I have made him proud. Or I never obtained his approval in how I did things in life. It is something I need to get over, but I have this worry that all these years, I could have done things differently. I can’t change events, but if I could go back 15 years ago, I would have done things more maturely and avoided some really bad things and I believe things would have been better.
Little things can have a big impact!
I woke up this morning and I was all out of sorts. I took two Aleve PM and I was out last night. I could not sleep. The only thing I have a hard time with is the morning fog the PM puts me in. I also just did not want to face work today. I frequently get anxiety attacks because everyday lately there is multiple crisis moments where I have to make quick decisions that impact the company and cost money. It is not like I am saving lives or anything, but it can wear a man down after nearly 4 months of fighting fires.
So I was late getting to work, which then leads to being in the notorious PA Turnpike traffic for 45 minutes (20 minutes just at the Valley Forge Exit trying to get past the EazyPass), Finally I get to the office parking lot and I just don’t want to go in the office. This is pretty much the lowest part of my day, walking into the office.
So as I was walking in the office, an employee who I rarely talk to walked in with me. She just made a few funny comments about getting into the office. It was funny. I did not realize before how funny she was. Well, by the time I got to my office, I was laughing and we were getting along fine. I completely lost the urge to want to bang my head on the door and pass out… LOL.
The little things people do or say can have such an impact on you. That is something I need to remember next time I am in my world of self pity and loathing.
HOT Sauce Committee Part Two
I am listening to their streaming page on their website. So nice to hear some good music from them again!
